FUNNY SMS JOKES2

HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!

God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : ‘I hope she will make herself up’!

God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!

For you I would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here ?"

Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.

E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that she does not need.

Don't feel sad, don't feel glue, Einstein was ugly too !

Do not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . .

Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all! .

Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your mobile....still searching.......no brains found.

Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly!!

BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again!

Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.

Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!

At this moment i have a déjà vu and a loss of memory at the same time. I thin I have forgotten this before.

Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!

A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.

20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand

Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......

My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...

Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…

If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…

Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!

Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............

Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

Why were males created before females?

Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

A:About 45 pounds!!

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

.A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don't know. Never happens.

Q: Why was the leper caught speeding? A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore? A: An f****ing know it all.

A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

My Reality Check bounced.

Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!

Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

What do you call a handcuffed man? - Trustworthy.

What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Why don't men often show their true feelings? - Because they don't have any. 1

What's the difference between a man and E.T.? - E.T. phoned home.

What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women.

How Dogs and Women are alike..... Neither believe that silence is golden. Neither can balance a checkbook. Both put too much value on kissing.

If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?

Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.